"Earlier today, in parts of the world, there was a total eclipse of the sun. President Bush said that the eclipse of the sun proves the unreliability of solar power." --David Letterman
"The Democrats said they have a plan to find the leader of al Qaeda. Find the leader of al Qaeda? They don't even have a plan to find the leader of the Democrats." --Jay Leno
"Tomorrow is April Fool's Day or as a lot of people are calling it -- President's Day." --Jay Leno
President Bush threw out the ceremonial first pitch at the Cincinnati Reds-Chicago Cubs game. Like Bush, it was high and to the far right. ... After Bush threw his first pitch, Dick Cheney shot an old guy in the upper deck." --Jay Leno
"There are two sides in Iraq right now fighting. The side that hates us and the side that really hates us." --David Letterman
President Bush, this is what he said. He said he's not worried about his approval rating at 33% because he said he promises to reverse those numbers. Now I'm not a mathematician, but if you take 33 and reverse it, isn't it still 33?" -- Jay Leno
"The latest in Iraq: the government has ceased to function. It's kind of like the White House, but with more oil." --Jay Leno
"According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House." --Jay Leno
"[White House Chief of Staff] Andrew Card resigned. I know what you're thinking: Who would leave a dream job like that? Finally somebody in the White House has an exit strategy." --David Letterman
Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
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Late night political humor